Welcome to Screencaps, “America’s Best Daily Column,” as named by the readers. Screencaps, which publishes seven-days-a-week, is a mix of sports, pop culture, and emails from sane readers from around the world. This column isn’t for the coastal elites. Give us a week to steal your heart. Our track record is pretty good. Let’s have some fun.
How are you feeling this morning, Cowboys fans?
That was pure cinema last night when Jerry Jones, 83, took his hand and slammed it into a table as his Cowboys were on their way to a loss to winless Tampa. Part of me actually felt bad for this geriatric, especially after he got all cocky earlier this season with that line about being a dangerous old man with money to burn.
Uh, you might want to burn some of that money on coaches, Jer. The Buccaneers ran for 241 yards. Now, that’s not all on the defensive coordinator, but this morning’s Fort Worth Star-Telegram has a headline stating “In humiliating defeat, Dallas Cowboys defensive coordinator looks overwhelmed.”
BRIAN SCHOTTENHEIMER NOW SITS ON HOTTEST SEAT IN NFL AFTER COWBOYS COLLAPSE AGAINST BUCCANEERS
Yeesh. Bad look, Jer.
That coordinator would be 34-year-old Christian Parker. His defense just got lit up by an undrafted quarterback. The Cowboys were 9.5-point favorites. Let that sink in.
While Jerry was banging his fist, Cowboys fans were on social media taking out their frustrations with tight end Jake Ferguson on his wife, influencer Haley Cavinder, who showed up to last night’s game wearing these “Kiss my Dallas” pants.
“Better divorce now when he still has money cause this was his last game,” an angry fan wrote on Instagram. “Tell your husband to catch the DAMN BALL,” another guy fired off.
(Sorry if this Instagram embed doesn’t load. I swear that’s what the pants say on her butt.)
And then there’s this video where Haley is being ruthlessly mocked as well. “I assume he likes a lot of butter and eats with his hands?” one guy wrote of Ferguson. “It must be something greasy Although that duck that Prescott through was pretty greasy also,” another guy tweeted after a late 4th quarter pass to Ferguson bounced off his face mask and into a Tampa defender’s hands.
It just kept going from there. “Maybe give him some extra hand wipes to wash all the butter off his fingers…good grief,” some guy named Randy chirped.
FRISCO, TEXAS – MAY 16: (L_R) Jake Ferguson and Haley Cavinder attend the 59th Academy of Country Music Awards at Omni Frisco Hotel at The Star on May 16, 2024 in Frisco, Texas. ((Photo by Omar Vega/WireImage))
More observations from last night’s game:
JERRY JONES HAS NO ‘SUCCESSION PLAN’ FOR COWBOYS LEADERSHIP: ‘JUST WON’T BE HERE TO TOSS MY TWO CENTS IN’
- I’m not sure how long Al Michaels and Kirk Herbstreit can remain a team. The synergy is so poor. During the 4th quarter, Al wanted to talk about Tampa’s decision to not make it a three-score game with a field goal from the one-yard line. Kirk immediately started talking about how the Cowboys decided to go for two after scoring a touchdown. Al, 81, just sat there and didn’t even bother revisiting his question about passing on the field goal.
- It pains me to write this, but the Indians-White Sox game had more energy than the football game. I actually muted Amazon and went with the baseball audio even though I couldn’t care less about either the Indians or White Sox. The TNF energy was terrible.
- Speaking of terrible, you have to be a complete psycho to watch TNF’s halftime show. Or any of its studio productions. I need someone to tell me what I’m missing by not watching Richard Sherman.
- And I have one more baseball note saved in my phone. It was so refreshing to see teams string together hits. The two teams combined for 18 hits. Balls were flying all over new Comiskey Park. Would it be too much to ask for MY Reds to go get guys who can put the bat on the ball. You know, like the way baseball was played for like 120 years before dork analytics guys took over.
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At this point, you might as well turn out the lights on Hooters
At one point in September, I thought Hooters might be OK. The company announced it was releasing a 2027 bikini calendar, which was a great sign the breastaurant might hold on during these tough economic times.
Then, on Thursday, Screencaps reader David E. tipped me off that he was hearing that the Daytona International Speedway Hooters was dead. He was right. The parent company removed the location from its website and updated its Facebook page to say the location had been permanently closed.
This comes days after Jacksonville lost its last store. If a Hooters can’t make it outside the most iconic holy spot in stock car racing, there’s no hope. I’m not even sure if Hoots can survive in Clearwater where it all began.
Can the company stop the bleeding? There’s no sign it can at this point.
The state of deliveries in 2026
– Ryan in Oklahoma is fed up: Not in the five figures, but I did have a pallet of ammo delivered to my front door, in an apartment complex, two days before it was supposed to be, and I wasn’t home. And it was obviously ammo, straight up OD green cases. Honestly surprised that no one either a) snagged it up or b) that Biden’s ATF/department of injustice didn’t target my ass.
Greater question needs to be asked; what is the quality of your delivery driver experience these days? I swear to god, for my construction sites, I create a multiple page document that includes an address, a site contact, a Kmz, and literal 10 digit grid, and these mouth breathing truckers still manage to not figure out where to deliver. Sure plenty of them are illegals, but holy hell even the ones who can speak English are the dumbest people you’ve ever encountered in a truck stop. Idiocracy was supposed to be funny, NOT REAL LIFE.
Anyways, enjoy a far more optimistic weekend than me being pissed about it all. Cowboys still suck.
Kinsey: My dad’s retirement job is delivering equipment to job sites. He might be one of the final remaining English-speaking, sane delivery guys out there. Ryan, fly him out. He’ll fit right in and get your stuff to where it needs to be.
– Doug in Texas has a big decision to make on taking on a massive delivery: I saw your post about the $28K delivery. It made me chuckle as the firm I worked for sold last year. I have almost $500K in my 401K account that I need to roll over. Only the payroll company won’t do it. It’s a nationwide payroll company and they will not complete a direct company to company transfer. They insist on mailing me a check addressed to the new 401K sponsor so that I can complete the transfer myself. So I am left with trusting USPS with that check. Color me nervous.
The crazy Georgia cross country story where a college kid jumps out and attacked a runner
– Darren in McDonough emails: This incident happened at a XC meet in my wife’s hometown of Newnan recently. You never know these days.
https://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/uga-student-charged-high-school-cross-country-race-attack.amp
TOO DAMN SOON!
– Beer Guy Thomas V. in NC checks in: Home Depot officially joined my boycott list, by running a Christmas ad on the radio today.
Kinsey: Full disclosure — Mrs. Screencaps is going on a girls’ trip this weekend to a town with a massive Christmas store. She hasn’t even decorated for fall. TOO DAMN SOON, MRS. SCREENCAPS! However, I’d prefer she goes now before it starts snowing in Michigan.
Dodgers fan is ready for the NLCS
– Paul in SoDak tells me: Good evening, Joe and screencaps nation. I want to apologize for my last correspondence…not that I think I made much of an impact on readers. Hating on Team Moms: Baseball in the moment after a 14-hour day and x wife drama wasn’t well thought out. I still won’t watch another minute of it, but that being said, God Bless America for playoff baseball…and football, lots of it.
You graciously shared my post about my Dad passing earlier this year. He was a huge Dodgers fan, as was his father, which made me a Dodgers fan. I know there are a lot of people who definitely do not want them to three-peat, and I get it…payroll…LA etc…but watching them and the other series games…football…brings back great memories of watching games with him. We talked about the 1988 World Series so much my Mother, not a sports fan, probably knows more about it than most Dodgers fans. Like you say Joe, sports is a common denominator for so many. Enjoy it while you can, Joe; keep writing about it. Screencappers keep sharing your thoughts and experiences. I look forward to reading the column every day.
I’m going to wear my Hershiser jersey to work tomorrow and stack shit on my friend who is a Yankees fan…good times.
Who are the most obnoxious fans in college football?
– Nick S. asks: Who do you think is the most obnoxious college sports fanbase? I’d go with Pitt. They haven’t won a National Championship in any sport in 50 years, but you would never know it from the way they act.
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Kinsey: This is the easiest question you could ask, Nick. It’s simple: Michigan fans. The only time the school has won anything in 30 years comes when scumbag Jim Harbaugh goes out and magically comes up with some sign-stealing special agent who then sends the program on a massive string of success.
Michigan fans now get to live with that era of show cause penalties, and scumbags being run out of college football.
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And that is it for this week. I was happy to see the emails pick up steam by the end of the week. It felt like we were in a quiet period there for a few weeks. For those of you in the path of the storm, stay safe. For the rest of us who are enjoying incredible weather, let’s go have some fun.
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Have a great weekend.
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